Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
