it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
