I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize