Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
