I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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