His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
