I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
