Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
