I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
