why didn't you poke me back
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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