bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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