its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize