I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
