Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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