I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
