Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
