I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
