haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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