Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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