You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
