I cockslap morals
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
