I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
