he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
