You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize