I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
