When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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