I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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