i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
