he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The struggles of a small town man whore
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
