so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
