Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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