I wish I could teleport
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
