Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
