when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
