also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize