Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
