this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
