listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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