I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
