I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
