I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
