We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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