oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
