it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize