Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
