Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
