I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
