I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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