Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
