You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
