3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
