I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
