my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
