please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
