Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize