I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
