I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
