I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
