I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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