ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
