Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize