my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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