meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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