We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
