No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
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