You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
