my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
