I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
