maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
