i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
